empathy overload

I've always been an empathetic person. It's a strength and a weakness, as many things are. As a kid, I cried over worms getting eaten by birds. They just seemed so small and so scared; it wasn't their fault they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. And what about their families!? And so forth.

Empathy can be a beautiful thing. And if run wild, it can be a disaster.

I think the busy-ness of working multiple jobs and plowing through school numbed me a bit over the past few years. I had missed my wild and alive feelings and looked forward to being myself again. Be careful what you wish for . . .

I love my job, and I wouldn't trade it. Sometimes I am fully functioning and effective, and my empathetic tendencies serve my clients in the best way. I can see from their perspective, but step back and help them find effective ways to address their circumstances without feeling it personally. Many times, I can do that at work, but the feelings come home with me and linger. Sometimes, I am emotionally raw, and the enormity of everyone's feelings begins to overwhelm me. I'm there now.

So what do I do?

This is why Just Living in the little things is so important to me. I have been learning, and am still learning, that there is only so much of me to go around. I did not come to save the world, just to breathe a little warmth into my corner of it. If I am going to be who I was created to be, I have to nurture light and health for myself so I can share it with the world.

This week, I have my last retreat with The Journey, which came at a perfect time. I have spent a year with 19 other youth workers from all over Indiana as we seek to grow into our best selves, personally and professionally, for the sake of the youth we serve. I've learned more about nurturing my inner light this year than I have in my previous 30 (despite hearty efforts by my parents to help me keep my cool). I'm still struggling, and there will always be times when a child's horrifying experiences weigh on my soul. But they need me to continue to grow, and to keep myself strong, because for some of them I am among the only strength they can see.

So, I'm running away for a few days and I plan to return fresh, strong, and alive. I hope and pray the same for all of you.