Chiaroscuro

Pardon me as I digress from Together on Tuesday and indulge my artistic side . . . the missing posts are pending,even partially written, but this is where my heart is now . . .

Palm Sunday in our Lutheran church is so different than when I was growing up. Back then, it was my favorite. It was a party. Celebration, dancing, waving the palms, all of that good stuff. We didn't enter much into the darkness of the Lenten season, but we loved to celebrate. At Bethlehem, the day is Passion Sunday. We begin with celebrations and hosannas and end in somber reflection on the crucifixion.

This year, on Passion Sunday, after opening with joyful Hosannas, my co-soprano and I sang the opening of Pergolesi's Stabat Mater before the sermon. Pastor read the gospel, from the triumphant entry to Jerusalem, through the trial and mocking and torment and misery, to the final breath on the cross. And then, we sang The Mother, grieving, stood beside the cross, weeping, while there hung her Son. 

I don't think either of us fully engaged emotionally with this piece until it was time to sing it in the service. That was self-preservation . . . it's haunting, beautiful, and profoundly, painfully sad. And when we finished, both of us were visibly moved, as were many around us.

What could be more raw and real than a mother weeping . . no, wailing . . . for her son?

Since my brother died, nearly 11 years ago, this story has had more power than ever before.
Since I became a mother myself, I can hardly take it.

But Sunday, I understood the contrast of Passion Sunday, and of all of Lent and Easter, in a new way.

On Ash Wednesday, we say "The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." We then, by choice, walk together in a period of darkness, towards the light.

In art, chiaroscuro is the way light and shade play together to create dimension, contrast. In singing, chiaroscuro is the balance of a clear, bright, bell-like resonance with a rich, warm, velvet tone. Without the dark, the light is strident, white, jarring. You can't even see it, or you don't want to hear it. Darkness is a part of art, and darkness is a part of life.

As a mom, I am still working on managing scary intrusive thoughts about the world and my sweet little boy in it. I wouldn't have considered myself a fearful person before, but on the wrong day in the wrong mood with the wrong input, I find myself deflecting thoughts of all kinds of frightening dark scenarios. I have my tips and tricks for chasing them off, but my experience tells me that darkness is very real and often, in many ways, out of my control. When it shows up, it happens just like Passion Sunday . . . and it knocks the wind out of us, to put it mildly.

BUT. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. And that is the story of Easter. A mother, and a father, loved their son, watched him grow, watched him do amazing things, watched him struggle, watched him suffer, watched him die, and lived without him . . . and then lived a miracle, and watched him change the world.

It's so easy to live in the dark, or to live with a fear of the dark. Lent helps us understand the dark, find the beauty there, and face the ugliness head-on--with our light. And Lent always, ALWAYS leads to Easter. Every time. Even when we can't see how. Even when the worst possibility has happened. The light redeems the darkness. The light was here before, and the light is coming again. The light will win, every time.

So, at Easter, I will celebrate the light in my little one, and in my own soul, and in the hearts of those around me. I am grateful for another moment, day, year of carrying that light to the dark places, and I keep the faith that redemption is stronger than pain. All will be well . . . the light will win.

ToT: Happy Valentime's!

For me, having a kid has brought new spark to holidays. ANY of them. "Aww, it's his first President's Day!" (Being married to an historian has its quirks.) This week is wild. . . Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, and Valentine's Day, all in a row. Bizarre.

Usually, Ben and I celebrate anything for at least a week. We have birthday weeks, anniversary weeks, Valentine's week, you get it. We're not terribly extravagant, but we like the little things. Usually, we would celebrate Valentine's with a fancy-ish date (often not terribly expensive), a cozy date, a cuddle-up-on-the couch date, a little gift exchange and some yummy homemade chocolate confection. We've even been known to escape to a little inn, just for fun.

Last year, we had an infant. Neither of us can remember what we did. We can remember at least 8 of our previous 10 Valentine's Days, but we cannot remember last year. Wow.

I know Valentine's is a "Hallmark Holiday," but I don't care. I don't have to give Hallmark any money to celebrate the love in my life! (Sidebar: have you noticed you can pay as much as you want to for a Valentine's card? I saw a whole row of $8 cards . . . at Walgreen's, for pity's sake!) I used to be more reserved about holidays, but not anymore. I've been known to send Valentines to grandparents, order flowers for friends, bake treats for the office, wear a red sweater or heart or rose earrings, that sort of thing.  I like loving people, and I'm pretty grateful for the people I love, so I'll take the excuse to celebrate it.

This year, that infant is a toddler, and he is a LOT of fun. So this year we are celebrating loving him, and we have some making up to do for last year, apparently.

First, I bought some cheesy decorations. Peanuts, of course . . . the kid loves "Boopy" (who is quickly becoming "Soopy"). I got a Pooh Beah too. I splurged and spent about $4.80 total on these. Then, I got really fancy and made a wreath. (Something has happened to me as a mother . . . I used to be just about the least crafty person I know.) I love this wreath . . . simple and fun and wintery enough to use beyond February. Who knew. Then, we planned Valentine's week

I think this qualifies as my first craft as an adult, aside from cakes or party stuff.
Had to add the gray, a little nod to the Buckeyes, of course.
(Thank you, Pinterest.)

My husband took me out on a real date, fancy wine and everything. LOVED it. It was a great night, much needed. And the kid woke up soon after we got home and stayed up for 2 hours . . . through his bleary eyes he said "mama be back," which tells me he was trying to wake up so he could see us  and know we were home. Clearly we need to get a nighttime sitter more often . . .Anyway, that was a great night regardless. We have family nights just about every night this week. Tuesday I go to my work Valentine's party. (This is a party for our clients, young adults with intellectual disabilities. It's going to be a blast and I can't wait.) Then it's home for pancakes Tuesday night for Mardi Gras, imposition of ashes on Wednesday, and Valentine's Day on Thursday.  I have a little something to give the men in my life. (I kinda rocked the husband's Valentine's gift this year, I won't lie. But it's also our 10 year anniversary this year.) We'll have a cozy family dinner and eat some little treats, and we'll share lots of cuddles and kisses and appreciation for how much we love each other. There might be a dance party, there usually is. And yes, Ben and & I will cuddle up in front of the TV . . . it's our Thursday TV date, standing for years now. (And it's his first Thursday since 30 Rock ended, so he will need some extra support . . . ) Friday is family movie night (in snippets), so J will get to watch more Peanuts Valentine's shows, and then Saturday his daycare has a parents' night out, so we'll grab a quick and cozy date after some time with friends.

Phew. Really, we are not fancy . . . though we are being a little fancier this year, to make up for whatever happened last year. We're just trying to celebrate all day, every day. As he gets older, I hope James can view Valentine's Day as an excuse to make sure people know they are loved . . . but I also hope he does that every day, throughout the year. To me, Valentine's Day is just a chance to make things a little bit special.

(Just Living tidbit . . . please consider fair trade chocolate for your Valentines this year, like Endangered Species (an Indiana company!) or Divine and or some other ethical brand, and let bakeries and specialty shops know they can do the same. We can love chocolate farmers, too.)

What about you? Our ToT Bloggers have some other great traditions . . . check them out!

ToT: Last Year, This Year

Hello, 2013.

Last year was challenging, inspiring, surprising, healing, tiring, fun, so many things.
It was also pretty tough.

Merry Christmas

{fair trade nativity available at serrv, a partner of lutheran world relief}

A Christmas Prayer

by Daniel Lee of Lutheran World Relief

God of Light, who illumines night,

Come to those now in darkness.

God of plenty, who multiplies joy,

Come to those now in sorrow.

God of promise,

who creates the harvest,

Come to those now in hunger.

This Christmas and always, 

We trust in your light,

your plenty and your promises.

Teach us again, through Word and deed,

of the Christ child

made flesh among us:

Who breaks the rod of oppression,

That we might work for justice;

Who removes the yoke of burden,

That our neighbor might

walk with dignity;

Who sets the tools of war afire,

That all creation might live in peace.

Amen.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you.

A Holiday Glow

In light of the craziness in the world, I am thinking more about ways we can make the world a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter. The holidays are a time when people often find renewed enthusiasm for giving to others--and the year-end tax motivation to donate doesn't hurt, either.

Full disclosure: these are all projects or organizations I have had some connection to over the years, which means I am sharing with confidence. I believe in this work and I have seen real change as a result of their efforts. Isn't that why we give, to make a change? 

We all have a part in making the world a better place. If you are looking for new ways to do just that, keep reading. One of these might just be a perfect fit.

A Russian Orphanage

If you've read at all, you know Ben and I have been involved with Sovietsk Orphanage in Kirov, Russia over the last 7 years or so. Children's HopeChest oversees the work we do here. The children are amazing, and we love them with our whole hearts. We used to visit regularly, but having a little one has changed that. We instead work to find financial support for needs, such as therapies, schooling, or basics like gardening supplies. For example, we have been working on getting a hearing aid to one of the boys . . . we were thrilled to find a donor for the whole thing, but we have hit a snag. Finding donors for international projects, especially when we aren't traveling as before, has proven a challenge--so ANY contributions are welcome! More than money, these children need someone to notice them, care for them, invest in them. You can participate by sending a one-time financial gift, a monthly sponsorship gift, or even just writing letters. Visit the other blog for more information on how to donate. If you have any questions at all, please contact me.

A Health Clinic in Ethiopia

Doma International 's new health clinic is right in line with current thinking about the smartest and most effective way to support women and children around the world: maternal and infant medicine. By working alongside people in the village of Bora and bringing education and medical care, they are able to give women, children, and families a chance to thrive and grow together. I could go on and on with stories I have heard from Ethiopia, and I hope to go myself someday. For now, we are supporting from home . . .

The medical director Amber (who happens to be a longtime friend of the Clarks) has made such an impact, there is a little girl in Bora named after her. You see and hear Ben's brother in the video, and Ben's parents have also made the trip. Supporting the Hidota Center is a great way to be a part of something bigger and long-term . . . if becoming a careholder is too much for now, a gift of any size will help.

Rebuilding Lives for Survivors of Human Trafficking in Columbus, Ohio

You have seen me post about human trafficking again and again. Here is a frickin' cool way to actually make a difference to the women who have survived it right next door, in Ohio. As they are rebuilding their lives, they need support, skills, and stability--something Doma is working to offer them.

I would not be one bit surprised if, once this restaurant gets off the ground, we see this model replicated in cities all over the country. We can all be a part of getting this enterprise off the ground and helping these women build hope and a future. Stay tuned for a guest blog on this in the days ahead.


I could go on and on and on . . . there are some inspiring local children's agencies, such as The Villages or Damar Services. There are arts communities, such as Indianapolis Symphonic Choir. There are community centers like The Sharing Place or The Love Center . If I listed every place that inspires me and that I believe truly makes a difference, this blog would be endless. There are countless places where you could write a check and donate your time and truly make a difference. These are a few that move me . . . but the most important things is that we all find a few who move us, who are truly doing good work, and that we jump right in.

I love cozying up with my family over the holidays and enjoying the glow of the lights, the fire, a warm meal, our love for each other. But our glow is that much warmer and brighter when we find a way to share it outside of our own four walls, all year round.

What about you? How do you share your holiday glow?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Only at Christmas Time

None of the posts kicking around my head right now seem quite right.

I, like many around the world, am still reeling from the horrific events of last Friday . . . but my flood of thoughts and feelings is nothing compared to the devastation felt by those directly affected by the shooting in Connecticut.

I will likely say more on this matter in the future. For now, my heart is with the families of every person--all of them--affected by this tragedy. 

As I held my little boy while he slept on Saturday, I kept thinking about all of those parents who once held their babies just the same way. I expect most or even all of the people at the school last Friday have had a parent hold them close, whisper in their ear, hope for their future, and give them sweet kisses. Not a one of them ever dreamed this for their sweet little baby.

Holidays are tough when you've lost someone precious. They are forever changed. Even more so for these families, with the anniversary of these unspeakable events coming every year as they prepare for Christmas. Christmas is when we tell the story of a sweet little baby, born to do amazing things, born to endure horror, born to save the world. I am thinking of his mother and father, and all of the mothers and fathers grieving in Connecticut and around the world, and my heart is singing this humble prayer.

Rest in Peace, sweet little angels, and peace to all of the souls who have loved you.

ToT: Tradition!

So, today is one of those days . . . in a good way, maybe. My to-do list was woefully neglected, just a few things knocked off, but my kid and I had fun (stair climbing and dance parties!), I got a few calls made, and I got to spend a few short minutes with a good friend. No one ever regrets leaving a to-do list when they die, I think, unless those items meant something to the people they loved. So oh well that I still have plenty to do, right?

(Also, I am so technologically incompetent it is getting embarrassing. Am I the only one who can barely function on Skype these days? I have people to call!)

I say that because I have a slight tinge of guilt about blogging . . . I have work to do (for work) and things to do around the house, I have projects I'd like to work on (important ones like things for our Russian friends or the baby book, plus some little things like mending and stuff like that), I have a husband I'd like to hang out with, and I haven't done my nails in weeks. It's not pretty, people. But I'm blogging . . . because it's just a few minutes of slowing down and reflecting on the simple pleasure of holiday traditions. If you're among the lovely people on my to-call list, I am thinking of you as I write! (And if you can make Skype work for me, YAY!)

I love holiday traditions . . . most of ours are very simple, but the joy of sharing them with James who has new eyes for everything is enough to make me want to burst. When I was little, we always initiated the Christmas season with a decorating party. My mom made all kinds of little treats (cheese and crackers and cookies and hot chocolate and egg nog and simple, yummy things) and we put on our Christmas records (lots of great Choral arrangements, like the Boar's Head Carol and Masters in this Hall and Britten and Handel and all kinds of things) and we decorated! We weren't Martha Stewart or anything, but just about everything on the tree has a memory attached, and we took the time to notice.  When we were done, we would cuddle up in our jammies and watch our Christmas shows. I have so much happy nostalgia around this, it's ridiculous. I knew that this was THE tradition I would carry on in my family, so we do.

We watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year. This year, our Peanut is pretty excited about "Boopy!" so that makes it extra fun. And my mom's favorite, and I mean FAVORITE, is The Snowman . . . the wordless story about James, a little boy whose snowman comes to life for just one night. It's bittersweet, but mostly sweet. This was the first show our James snuggled in and watched from start to finish, and he has seen it quite a few times already. He loves it, and his grandma loves that he loves it, and I love watching the two of them bundled up in a snowman blanket to watch it.

{From The Snowman by Raymond Briggs}

There are other things we like to do . . . we have our Christmas morning traditions (brunch at home in our PJs and then on to Grandmas) and extended family traditions (New Year's in Ohio with a mini Christmas pageant by all the cousins) and I try to see all of my aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins, too. We used to take the long way home after midnight Christmas Eve service and look at all of the lights, but we may have to adjust again this year with a little one in tow.

I am looking forward to new traditions as they emerge . . . how will James respond to the first snow of the year? Will he love the zoo, or the Eiteljorg, or the Circle, or Jolly Days? Will he dance to this ridiculous Cha-Cha Slide Santa from Aunt Marilynn every year? (So far, the answer is yes. Two for two.) I want to do them ALL. I don't like to force them, but I don't want to miss any of them.

This is the paradox of parenting . . . well, one of them . . . I want to experience every last little thing and document it and remember it, but if I put so much energy in to making things happen then I will miss the little things along the way (like impromptu dance parties and playing outside in DECEMBER, for pity's sake). Ideally, I would have a cute little photo of our decorating party this year, but I don't--aside from the ones in my head. Those are irreplaceable. (And blogging along the way will help, too.) In my dream world, I will find the perfect balance of making memories and living in the moment. For now, hanging our "Joy" ornament that we bought when we found out we were having a baby, or hanging the Snoopy and Lucy that were my brother's and mine as kids, or hanging the gifts we got for our wedding or in places we used to live or from around the world is as good of a holiday scrapbook as any.

What do YOU love to do every year? Check out the other Together on Tuesday bloggers for their traditions!

ToT: Black Friday, Indeed

Today, I am posting my Together on Tuesday topic RIGHT ON TIME! Barely. Small victories.

Time to share our thoughts on Black Friday. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, it won't be hard to guess what I have to say.

"Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous."

Happy Thanksgiving

Gratitude

Ah, November. The leaves change from colorful to brown and crunchy, the air from cool to biting. We Scorpios celebrate our birthdays. There's an odd mix of Halloween leftovers and Christmas early birds all around. College football gets serious--OSU vs Michigan, anyone? And we spend the month reflecting on gratitude.

I like the idea of taking all of November listing the many things for which I am thankful--I even got into the spirit on Facebook, which takes some commitment (if you're me). Being the type who is constantly striving to do more and do it better, there is a lot of value in my reflecting on the good things all around me. I've spent a lot of time examining deficits in hopes of improvement, but that's only valuable when you can enjoy the good things as they are. Professionally, social workers try to be strengths-based--the theory being that we grow more when we focus on our strengths rather than our problems. I could use more of that in my daily life--even in this blog, really. I have been blessed with far more rainbows than thunderstorms in my world. So, again, with the lists . . . and since it's my 33rd year, 33 is the magic number. 

Here are 33 Things I am Thankful for in my 33rd Year.

A Thanksgiving Sermon

{from homegrownhospitality.typepad.com}

Ash Wednesday Wisdom

Some people find this depressing. I find it comforting. No matter how beautiful or crazy the world gets, we are all made of the same stuff. As Kimya Dawson says, thinking about this makes me feel serene, like "I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything" because "we all become important when we realize our goal should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole."


So, thank you Ecclesiastes, Ash Wednesday liturgy, and Kimya.



"Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

Happy Women's Day/Mardi Gras!

There's too much to celebrate today to post about detox! There will be plenty of that in Lent.

Today is Mardi Gras, otherwise known as Fat Tuesday. If you know me at all, you know I'm not a big partier. Not a lot of excess and revelry for me today, but I will eat some pancakes and indulge a bit. Today I will find as many opportunities to celebrate as I can, even during a full day of work, work, work.

Even more importantly to me, it's International Women's Day! In the US, this holiday is sometimes overlooked but growing in popularity. Around the world, it's treated much differently. Our Russian friends are celebrating Spring today and honoring their woman with flowers, songs, and extra doses of kindness. In other places, women are gathering to celebrate their achievements and fight for greater equality. This is a great day to celebrate the women in history who paved the way for us to raise our voices and follow our dreams. While things aren't perfect here in the US, we've come a long way over the last century.

This is also a great day to educate ourselves about women's issues around the world, such as reproductive and maternal health, modern day slavery, poverty, equal rights, microenterprise and independence, and education issues. Check out CARE, Doma International, or another organization of your choice to learn more. The women of the world need each other!

Photo Credit ABC

Happy Women's Day! Let the good times roll!

Daily Detox: Shabbat Shalom

Ben and I have been working toward a deeper understanding of rest, or Sabbath. Or, as our Jewish friends call it, Shabbat.

Our culture is SO busy. We're always moving, always striving, there's always something to accomplish or some information to learn. Even when we're sitting still, we're stuck to our screens for (sometimes false) connection to the outside world or stimulation. All of this commotion can leave us unconnected to who we are, to those we love, or to the divine.

Enter Sabbath--a truly un-American concept, at least in our times. I am still recovering from the notion that rest is selfish--and I know plenty of people who still hold that belief. But here's an interesting thought: Sabbath is the fourth commandment. Fourth! Before no killing, no adultery, and the like. Sounds like someone smarter than us knows what we need.

I'm not going to comment on the historical or doctrinal implications of Sabbath. That's not my expertise. But I know it is intended as a day of rest, a day to spend with the people we love, and a day to refocus on spiritual matters.

Selfish? I should hope not. How can we be our best selves and bring a light into the world if we are so weakened by busy-ness and blinded by self-importance? The world will go on spinning if we take a break. I promise. What good is our giving to people in our communities and around the world if we cannot even take the time to give to the people in our own families? How can we remain connected to our source and grow into who we are intended to be if we stay to busy to check in spiritually?

And so, a real day of rest and reflection is a necessary detox in our home. We've experimented with different ways to do this. We've stayed away from media (including computers, so you can see this is not today's approach). We've focused on friends and family. We've spent time in solitary reflection and chosen readings particular to the Sabbath. (Check out Abraham Heschel, for starts.) As it turns out, our best Sabbath comes with flow time--time with no schedule, where we can just be together, celebrate, and enjoy the simple things of life.

What about you? How do you rest, reset, detox day-to-day? However you do, we hope that everything is whole and complete, as it was intended to be. Shabbat Shalom!

Wednesday Wisdom

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better [wo]man.

~Benjamin Franklin

Happy New Year!

Wedneday Wisdom

I've been thinking this one over for awhile. It's tempting to work like crazy, making things happen, manipulating situations into perceived success. When dealing with people, though, goodness blossoms at its own time. Christmas teaches that lesson well: the world was a mess, so God planted a teeny, tiny seed in a woman and allowed it to grow. And that is what saved the world.

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Merry Christmas!

Double your money! Act now! Operators are standing by!

If you're looking for an alternative Christmas idea, or an organization to give your year-end tax-deductable donation, or if your heart has been stirred by the horrors of human trafficking and the degradation of America's sex industry, or if you want an opportunity to change a woman's life, then I strongly urge you to check out Doma International!

Doma has an opportunity to earn $54,000 before the end of 2010--on condition that they raise $27,000 themselves. If they raise $27,000, a generous donor will DOUBLE it to $54,000! If they raise $26,500, then no match.If you've ever considered giving to Doma, even giving $10, $100, $1,000, or $10,000, now is the time!

With these funds, Doma will be developing their Bloom! house for women who are exiting prostitution and the pain that goes with it, growing firmer roots and reaching toward the sun. The program will provide victim support services in conjunction with the courts and substance abuse recovery. The women learn basic life skills, build healthy relationships, and engage in nurturing activities, all while being surrounded with strong women who care about them and their futures. This program is a part of Project Green Light, seeking to end human trafficking in Ohio, the United States, and the world.

Could this be your first step (or next step) in the modern abolitionist movement?

Could this be your chance to bring this situation to the attention of someone (or some organization) who can make this matching grant a reality?

Do you have questions about prostitution, human trafficking, or Doma?

You can contact me. Or contact Julie Clark, CEO of Doma, Daniel, development director, or Tom English, COO. Or if you're ready to give, head on over to Doma's secure giving site hosted by eTapestry and give to your heart's content.

Could you please share this information with friends, family, and organizations through emails, reposts, links, and even phone calls?

Please don't wait, we only have until December 31, 2010!!

And THANK YOU for your care and concern for women and children, at home and beyond!

Time Flies

I definitely thought I'd be blogging more in Advent.

And I definitely discovered that the spirit of Advent and Christmas is more present in our home when we spend less time with a computer in our laps.

Living the meaning of Advent comes easier some days than others. And our calendar idea will undergo some tweaking next year, as delivering suprise cookies works better on some days than others, for example. But it's been a fun adventure and a joy, living mindfully this season and focusing on what matters. We've been reading lots of St Francis, spending good time with good people, and opening our eyes to new opportunities. I thought I'd be blogging more, but I guess there are brighter and warmer things for me to do this season. I'm OK with that. :)

Wednesday Wisdom

Christmas means nostalgia. For the children I work with, it means memories and missing people you love with all your heart. For so many people, it stings, as they are more alone than they dreamed they would be.

Maybe we need to take a bit more care of ourselves during this holiday season, to learn from our feelings and grow into stronger, more sensitive people. And most definitely, we need to look around and extend some warmth, maybe open our homes, to someone who is feeling alone.

"Christmas is a time when you get homesick--even when you're home."
-Carol Nelson

Linus and Lucy

Linus is concerned that Christmas has gone too commercial. Lucy is just glad that Christmas means lots of presents for pretty girls. Argh! I feel like Linus in a Lucy world.

It is so, so hard to find gifts that fit our values, fit our budgets, and delight the people we love. After years of shopping for gifts that make wise use of resources and support human dignity (not slavery), we feel like we have maxed out Global Gifts, Fair Indigo, and the like. We're trying Global Girlfriend. We're trying Uncommon Goods, though I am not convinced these products are produced fairly. When we buy mainstream gifts, we try to buy smart, using Green America's Responsible Shopper. But the sad truth is, there is a limited supply of items that feel good for us to buy and give.

Further, I have never enjoyed giving gifts just to say I have given a gift. I want to give something meaningful, useful, fun, worthwhile. The honest truth is that for most people on my list, they have PLENTY. A feast of more than enough. It is hard to find an item that cuts through the accumulation of stuff to be a meaningful gift.

What to do? We have tried to give gifts of presence, not just presents. Tickets, time together, etc. Sometimes that works better than others. I would love to stick to what a lovely woman I know calls the secondhand, handmade, fairtrade rule, but sometimes I shy away because I'm not sure how it would be received. Or what about contributing to college funds for the busy kids who seem to have everything?

We're still pondering, but we're running out of time! What about you? How do you go about selecting a lovely Christmas gift?