empathy overload

I've always been an empathetic person. It's a strength and a weakness, as many things are. As a kid, I cried over worms getting eaten by birds. They just seemed so small and so scared; it wasn't their fault they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. And what about their families!? And so forth.

Empathy can be a beautiful thing. And if run wild, it can be a disaster.

I think the busy-ness of working multiple jobs and plowing through school numbed me a bit over the past few years. I had missed my wild and alive feelings and looked forward to being myself again. Be careful what you wish for . . .

I love my job, and I wouldn't trade it. Sometimes I am fully functioning and effective, and my empathetic tendencies serve my clients in the best way. I can see from their perspective, but step back and help them find effective ways to address their circumstances without feeling it personally. Many times, I can do that at work, but the feelings come home with me and linger. Sometimes, I am emotionally raw, and the enormity of everyone's feelings begins to overwhelm me. I'm there now.

So what do I do?

This is why Just Living in the little things is so important to me. I have been learning, and am still learning, that there is only so much of me to go around. I did not come to save the world, just to breathe a little warmth into my corner of it. If I am going to be who I was created to be, I have to nurture light and health for myself so I can share it with the world.

This week, I have my last retreat with The Journey, which came at a perfect time. I have spent a year with 19 other youth workers from all over Indiana as we seek to grow into our best selves, personally and professionally, for the sake of the youth we serve. I've learned more about nurturing my inner light this year than I have in my previous 30 (despite hearty efforts by my parents to help me keep my cool). I'm still struggling, and there will always be times when a child's horrifying experiences weigh on my soul. But they need me to continue to grow, and to keep myself strong, because for some of them I am among the only strength they can see.

So, I'm running away for a few days and I plan to return fresh, strong, and alive. I hope and pray the same for all of you.

Advent!

Advent is here! This year, our traditional purple and pink candles at church were traded for blue, representing the hope of Christmas. That works for me.

This year, we are celebrating Advent a bit differently. Along with readings and reflection, we are filling all of our senses with holiday spirit and seeking to live mindfully this time of year. We're replacing the hustle and bustle with the scent of pine and cinnamon, time with friends and family, and challenges to extend hope and love a little further this year.

So, instead of the typical advent calendar with a chocolate treat inside (which you can get fair trade from Divine), we have a reusable calendar we found on Etsy. It's so clever! The artist covered matchboxes with beautiful paper and numbered them, then added magnets. It's on our fridge for now, but eventually we will find a beautiful way to display the calendar.


We listed ways to celebrate together and share the season with others: Invite a guest for cookies and cocoa. Share some warm clothes. Learn a new holiday carol. Spend some time looking at the stars. We placed a slip inside each box, and every morning we will have a new way to celebrate.

We're excited! I'll share throughout the season what comes of our advent experiment. Our hope is that not only will the season fill our hearts and minds in a new way, but that we will be able to share hope and light with everyone around us this season.

What about you? How do you celebrate Advent? What are your traditions for preparing for Christmas?

I really want to know!

grateful . . .

. . . for the striped cat curled up in my lap and his fluffy brother at my side

. . . for the steaming, fragrant cup of tea prepared with love by my kindhearted husband

. . . for the work that pays the bills and feeds my soul

. . . for green grass and crunchy leaves

. . . for the redemptive powers of love and grace

. . . for moments of beauty and truth

. . . for friends who lighten my spirit and make me a better person

. . . for family who loves, loves, loves

. . . for my husband, lifelong love, and friend, who nurtures my heart and brings so much joy

. . . for surprises and new beginnings

. . . for challenges, and for the strength to see them through

. . . for growth and change

. . . for a path directed by wisdom higher than mine

. . . for daydreams and memories

. . . for life and breath and time

" . . . If the only prayer you say in your life is 'thank you,' that would suffice."
--Meister Eckhart

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! May your day overflow with moments of gratitude and joy.

Consumption Check-Up

Remember our consumerism fast? The effects are still lingering. It's pretty enjoyable. I had a couple of rough patches, like really wanting to use the WiFi at a coffee spot downtown but feeling guilty for going in but not buying. I called my husband so he could talk me down, and it worked. I sat in my car and typed. But overall, it was nice to remind ourselves to spend our time and money on things that really matter. We are more mindful of how we shop and how our purchases affect others. And really, we just don't miss shopping.

With Advent starting Sunday, we are planning to celebrate our holiday season intentionally. That means more people, more reflection, more sights, sounds, and smells, more time, and less stuff--and it begins now. You won't see us shopping on Black Friday! Some stores are opening Thursday, for pity's sake. I am all for workers getting holiday pay if they want it, and everyone agrees that jobs are good in this climate, I just feel for the workers sacrificing their rest, sanity, and family time. I know lots of people who love Black Friday shopping and use it as a family ritual, too, and that can be a good thing. I just wonder if it's gotten out of hand . . . people hurt each other, people have even died, just over saving a few dollars to buy something they might have done without. It's just not something we can participate in and still enjoy our day.

So this Friday, we will continue our consumerism fast. We'll rest, exercise, probably work (that's another post for another day--but I'm doing better!), and enjoy each other. Our family ritual is to put the Christmas decorations up, break out our favorite Christmas music, make a big meal, and set the tone for our holiday season.

What about you? How do you celebrate this famed day after Thanksgiving?

The Weapon We Have is Love

"Did you ever wish that Harry Potter was real? Well it kind of is."



How much do I love that there are other Harry Potter fans who deeply feel the book's resonance with social justice issues? Check out the Harry Potter Alliance, a group of fans who seeks to defeat the dark arts in our world. Their first task: slave-free chocolate. Julie Clawson spells it out better than I ever could (as she often does--remember how much I love Everyday Justice?), and they are slated for NPR's Morning Edition tomorrow. I am so excited at the prospect of bringing this message to a mainstream pop culture audience, and I'm inspired by the young people who have taken it to heart. Cheers to HPA!

No More Dirty Looks

For the last 6 years or so, natural and homemade personal care products have been the norm around here. Sadly, I found myself slowly compromising my standards for the sake of quality or convenience, thinking my lungs can probably handle a little bit of polymer (read:plastic!) from my hairspray . . . things like that. It was time for a reality check. Enter Siobhan and Alexandra from No More Dirty Looks.

Loved it! The book is so informative and readable--much more so than others I've read on the topic. I'm so glad Cara sent it my way. After tearing through my library copy, I had to buy it (secondhand, of course). It works like a handbook, with lists of dangerous ingredients as well as safer products they have tried. These ladies care about looking polished and professional, but not at the sake of their personal well-being (or negative effects on factory workers and the environment). I love that Alexandra has hair just like mine--it makes the information all the more valuable!

For example, did you know you can make hair gel out of aloe and hairspray out of lemons, water, and vodka? Did you know baking soda makes a refreshing facial scrub and coconut oil a soothing body moisturiser? Did you know that you shouldn't wash your hair daily and should only use soap sparingly?

If you're interested in caring for yourself and your planet, if you're interested in avoiding cancers, endocrine disruption, respiratory issues, or other yucky ailments, if you'd like to prevent oil spills, and if you'd like to look cute while doing it, I highly recommend this book. I've just ordered my first products on their recommendation: John Masters Sunscreen and La Vanilla fragrance. I'll keep you posted!

My Ongoing Existential Dilemma

On the way back from a lovely night away, Ben and I stopped at an icky outlet mall. We don't love shopping or anything, but we try to use sales and coupons to get some good deals for basics and wardrobe updates a couple times a year. We struggle with knowing where to shop to cause the least harm, and sites like Green America and Chain Store Reaction help us make some choices. (For example, Gap stores, which include Old Navy, Athleta, and Banana Republic, have put significant effort into slavery issues. They are not perfect, but they are responding.)

Almost every time I shop at a typical retail store, I freak out a little bit. Sitting in the parking lot Saturday, with a bag of stuff in my lap, our engine idling with dozens of other vehicles trying to escape the shrine to commerce, I got a sick feeling. The whole process is in stark contrast with what I truly value. All of those people spending all of that time chasing stuff! It makes my stomach hurt. I get the angst. There is a part of me that enjoys the aesthetics of dressing in a way that reflects my style, and part of me finds it restorative to take care of myself in a way that keeps my temple shiny. But most of me couldn't care less!

This inevitably brought us to the Christmas conversation. We love, love, love the people on our gift list, but every last one of them has more than enough stuff! We have tried different approaches in the past: donations in people's honor, gifts that support causes, gifts of time and presence. How can we share Christmas in a way that both honors our loved ones and is consistent with our values of peace and justice?

I think we're going to try some new things this year. It takes some creativity to participate in American holiday culture without elevating stuff and busy-ness above the essence of the holidays. Advent is coming. This year, the Clarks are considering our own version of the Advent Conspiracy and Sojourner's Peace and Justice Christmas--not just a smidge, but full-on. Throughout Advent, I'll be blogging our thoughts, discoveries, experiments, and even failings at celebrating the essence of Christmas, and nothing more. I hope you will join us!

sharing some love

What do you think of the new design? I love it! It's so fun to blog in a space that reflects my personal style. Thanks so much to Lara at Designer Blogs for her patience and care in creating my birthday present blog design. Should you ever need a designer, I highly recommend them!

Protecting our Children

Prostitution is one of those topics that causes most people to bristle. There's an image that goes with prostitution, and it's usually of a desperate woman trying to make a dollar, sometimes to feed her family, sometimes for a glamorous life, often for drugs. The word 'pimp' has somehow become a hip verb and adjective.

But what if you knew that the average age of entry into prostitution in this country is 12-14? That real pimps are often slick manipulaters who lure vulnerable girls into debt, fear, drug addiction so they can make a buck by renting them out to abusive "customers"? That the young women are held in terrifying circumstances, unable to leave? That many pimps are women? What if you realized that an adult having sex with a minor is a crime, but in many places, if the minor receives money (regardless of who it goes to), the minor becomes the criminal?

Don't believe me? CNN just yesterday busted a story about a huge child prostitution crackdown IN THE UNITED STATES. 884 arrests, 99 of them pimps. 69 children recovered. And that's just one 3-day raid in places like Seattle, Nashville, Detroit.

This ring in particular has been going on for over 10 years. Many of the arrests were of adult prostitutes. How many of those, do you think, were trapped in this lifestyle as children? The day they turn 18, they go from victims (if recognized as victims at all) to criminals.

As long as there are people who will pay to abuse women and children, there will be people who will exploit them to make some money. As long as society turns a blind eye to these horrifying events, they will continue.



So what do we do? Learn as much as we can! Tell our lawmakers that we won't allow people to buy and sell our children while our children pay with their lives. Organizations such as the Polaris Project, Shared Hope, and Free the Slaves are great places to start. Doma International educates communities on the harsh realities of the sex industry. I've worked with them in Ohio, and I'd love to do the same here in Indianapolis. I'm always looking for potential partners. Who's with me? If you, your church, or your communities are interested in learning more about fighting domestic sex trafficking of children, visit http://www.domaconnection.org/ or drop me a note. It's up to us to protect our children.

Perspective

Photo from www.rallytorestoresanity.com

Reading these words moves me to gratitude and inspires me to action. So many people need food, clothing, shelter, health, safety, and education! The way we live our lives can make things happen. This is the essence of just living. What are your thoughts when you read this? What can we be doing together?

Fall, Food, and Family

After a few too many work-filled weekends, this weekend was dedicated to enjoying friends and family. I walked a half marathon Saturday with some great friends in the crisp (ok, COLD!) fall air, then hosted my in-laws for the weekend. I am blessed and thankful they are in my family! Sunday, our house was full as my grandmothers, parents, and friends who are like family joined us. Even though I am now home sick without a voice, I feel so much more alive than I would have if I worked all weekend!


We celebrated fall with yummy roasted vegetables and too much dessert. My grandma's granny smith apples were featured players in a homemade apple butter.

5 1/2 c apples, peeled and finely chopped (you can't beat home-grown granny smith!)
2 c sugar*
2 tsp ground cinnamon*
1/4 tsp ground cloves*
1/4 tsp salt

Throw everything in a slow cooker & cover. Cook on high for an hour, low for 9-11 hours, and then uncovered for another hour. Whisk if you want it smoother. That's it! It freezes great, and it is sooo yummy!

*Ideally, you would find fair trade sugar and spices, but I'm sad to say I have been struggling to find them readily available. Any tips, please let me know!

Part of walking humbly, for me, is taking the time to connect to the people I love and honor my roots. In my family, that is done through quality time together and food prepared with care and love. This feeds my soul and makes me a stronger person, all-around--and it allows me to do the same for beautiful people who have given so much in their lives. That is good for me, my family, the children and families I serve, and the world. Thank you to all of the wonderful people who made my weekend!