So, I don't have much of a bucket list. Many of my hopes and dreams are intangible . . . world peace and justice and happiness and all of that. Some of my hopes are well beyond my control and are more about faith. Some are extremely mundane. The vast majority of my hopes are about the people I love . . . watching my boy grow up healthy, strong, and happy, seeing my parents thrive well into the years, living in love with my husband for the rest of our long lives, celebrating joys with dear friends . . . with family, love, and laughter all over the place.
That said . . . there are a few things I've always wanted to do, some of which I just discovered. (Thank you, Together on Tuesday! Check out the links to the right for more ideas.) Here is my completely tangible, and personal (not idealogical), Bucket List.
-Take James to Russia. Specifically, I want to take him to visit our dear friends in Sovietsk. We went yearly for so long, but we haven't been since 2010. We are just not ready to take James on a 36-hour one-way trip on trains, planes, and automobiles. While Sovietsk is as cheery as an orphanage can be, it's a lot for a little guy to handle. One day, he will go . . . in the mean time, our dear friends Katya, Lena, Zhenya, and the rest are growing up quickly. One day . . .
-Take a real vacation. I am talking about direct travel, parking it for a week, umbrella drinks by the beach, lounging, not stressing about cash flow, total relaxation. Not just a few days where we squeeze in what we can afford. Not a service trip. Not skimping here so we can splurge there. I want a vacation with no thinking or stress involved. THIS. WILL. HAPPEN.
-Visit the Greek Isles. I just really want to.
-Regain some kind of fluency in a foreign language. I was in great shape with French waaaaay back when . . . I even dreamed in French. And then my college didn't have any classes available for me, and then I lost a good chunk of my speaking ability and most of my writing ability. Being a singer, I know just enough to be dangerous in at least 6 languages. One day, I am going to sharpen my skills in at least one of them.
-Work for systemic change. Right now, I am the kind of social worker who works with individuals to help them make changes in their own lives. Really, it's inspiring and humbling--these people are already vulnerable, and then we show up and dig around in their business and come up with all kinds of crazy ideas in hopes that just one of them will work. I LOVE it, I do. But one day, my job focus will be about changing the societal circumstances that leave said people vulnerable to begin with. I have plenty of ideas brewing and I'm using the tactic I mentioned above--I'm carefully taking the best next steps I can in hopes that it lands me where I want to be. I know it will involve families and children--it always does. Which brings me to my next goal . . .
-Become an expert in postpartum mood disorders and other related challenges that set mamas up at a deficit right from the start. If 1 in 7 mamas have postpartum depression, I believe caring for these mamas is crucial if we as a society are going to care for our children. Not every mama has the skills, support, or fortitude to go it alone--in fact, most don't. Those of us who thrive usually have plenty of people in our corner. Within 5 years, I plan to be certified in postpartum mood disorders. The rest, we shall see.
-Open a bakery. Well, I used to want to do this . . . I used to say I would open a bakery after I retire. That's comedy, really, because you have to get up reeeeeeeeeeeeeeallly early to put out fresh pastry for the morning coffee crowd. I loved working for a little bakery in grad school, and I fell in love with the power of flour--you can make anything with the right combo of flour and fat or leavening. Even more than eating baked goods, I loved just looking at them . . . the crumb, the pillowy air pockets, the brown or shiny or crispy crust. Flour, butter, and sugar . . . sigh.
Now I am dairy free and gluten free. It's just not the same.
-Act again. Maybe. I now say I am going to be an actress when I retire . . . I say this in hopes that one day the love of the craft will again be bigger than the drudgery of the process. I knew it was time to quit when I was the first one cleaned up and out of the dressing room after a show, and I didn't stick around to revel in the post-show glow. I was over it. But I still love people, and I still love stories, and I actually love the process of exploring a character, it's the logistics that get to me. Maybe one day all of the trappings won't be too much to deter me from investing in acting again. And my theory is by the time I'm old, I'll be the only actress who actually looks old. Everyone else will look like Joan Rivers.
-Celebrate some huge milestone with everyone I love in the same room. I almost wrote my 50th anniversary--because won't that be amazing?? But odds are that in 40 years our parents won't be around. So something before that, maybe. It doesn't have to be my milestone . . . but my parents aren't much for the big parties, so it won't be theirs. I will have to think about this. The best part about a wedding celebration (aside from the actual marriage part) is having everyone you love in the same room. We'll have to come up with something . . . James is the likely candidate :).
-Watch James achieve something that moves his soul. I can't wait to see his face when he has the experience of knowing he has thrown himself into something good and reaped the reward.I have a feeling I may get to see this a few times . . . I hope I notice it every time.
I know this is not much of a Bucket List. No skydiving or climbing Mt Everest or anything like that. In truth, I really like my little life just the way it is. I am blessed beyond belief with the kindest, strongest husband who has more integrity in his pinky than most of us do in our whole beings. So I've already fallen head over heels in love and I plan to do that over and over again--just with the same hunk of a man. I wasn't sure about having a child, and I have been blessed with the greatest joy of a son who is already making the world a better place. His whole body giggle and enthusiastic greetings and kind gestures and little songs and hilarious outbursts have brought joy I can't even begin to describe. I have the best family--the BEST, I tell you--parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles, in-laws, and the BEST friends. I have been blessed beyond belief. So though these things aren't so tangible, my deepest hopes include . . .
. . . living in the moment and truly seeing the people around me.
. . . living in gratitude, aware that this life is a gift and nothing is guaranteed.
. . . making the most of every opportunity, not wasting a moment.
. . . truly, deeply loving the people in my world, better and better, all of the time.
. . . becoming the best person I can be, and encouraging the same for others.
. . . letting go of myself, so I can be a part of making the world a better place.
This is the list for today. Tomorrow it may be different. Somedays, this is harder than climbing Mt. Everest, but if I come back to this again and again, I know that only good things can come.
What's your Bucket List?
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