ToT Rewind: Busyness, Stillness

Flashback . . . ToT topic from September . . .

We're reflecting this week on The Busy Trap. Good reading from NY Times, I think. If you would rather not read, though, basically the author is considering whether or not all of our busy-ness is worthwhile. He asserts much of it is self-imposed, mindless clutter that may not always enhance our lives. I guess I agree.


I have been guilty of it--the phrase 'crazy busy' has crossed my lips more than once. Especially in the days of rehearsals, practice, and performances, my life has been very FULL. And most of the time, it was my own choice. I didn't like the dichotomy of choosing between what I loved to do and paying the bills, so I did both. Scratch that, all. Working, volunteering for this or that cause, singing, church stuff, and . . . oh yeah, family and friends. It was a lot. And at times, I did have a touch of that martyr complex . . . how could I POSSIBLY get everything done in my oh-so-important busy schedule?

Important lesson: none of is is SO important that _____________ cannot happen without us. NONE. The Colts would say "next man up." (Or woman, of course.) Sure, we all must do our part, but I'm pretty sure none of us is Messiah. So take a break and look around, for pity's sake. 

One exception, though . . . there are some things that only I (or only YOU) can do. I am the only mother to my son. I am the only wife to my husband. I am the only daughter, I was the only sister, you get it.  And I am sad to say, the Busy Trap/Martyr Complex/Messiah Complex has detracted from real life in the past. You know, the people I love and who love me. So I changed some things. I had to.

Some people I know HATE to be busy. That's fine. Some people love it. Also fine. I am somewhere in the middle. And guess what . . . that's fine.

"It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?"

--Henry David  Thoreau

It is all about finding the right pace and balance for my life, and my family. I have to weigh my options and make some choices--no more saying "yes" to everything appealing. It has to be something that challenges me but gives me space to reflect and grow. It has to make the world a better place but not at the expense of my family, which is my first responsibility. It has to be life-giving and bring some joy--either up front or in the long run. 

Sometimes, it means letting go of a self-imposed obligation that I enjoy (example, blogging) in exchange for something that is a higher priority. In the past, I would have held tight to that duty and gotten it done . . . but for what? A faster pulse and less sleep? No, thank you.  And sometimes, it means doing something I don't love (singing less than ideal music) for the chance to do something I DO love (singing way better music next time around). It's all about choices.

My husband balances me here--he is usually the yin to my yang. I am happier for it. As a family, we have decided we will keep some boundaries concerning our schedules. Peanut will likely do just one activity at a time . . . open for debate as he grows, of course . . . and together we will work through making choices, if necessary. I want him to have plenty of time to just BE.

There are people whose inertia lets life pass them by . . . I definitely don't want to "measure out my life in coffee spoons" and miss out because I've spent all of my time on petty tasks, staring at a screen, or blobbing out on the couch. (I don't think we're at risk for this, folks.) But there are those people who stay busy for the express purpose of avoiding a life like that . . . and guess what. Life can pass you by when you're moving at the speed of light. Heck, I think some people stay busy precisely to avoid reflection and the more difficult things in life. Some people wear busyness as a badge of honor. Boo to that, I say. If there's not time to stop, look around, breath, laugh, or watch your child as they grow, then you're missing out. 

So, yes, I've been prone to fall into The Busy Trap, but I got myself out. (Maybe I had to chew off a leg, but I'm out nonetheless.) No more busyness for busyness sake. I've still got plenty to learn. Sometimes the balance gets off. I'd like to be a better friend. I'd like to live more fully in the moment. I'd like to travel more, take advantage of the great things in our city, see my extended family more often, and still be good at my job. I've always had bigger eyes than my stomach in this regard, but I have learned that busy just isn't better. While my life will likely always be full, there is plenty of life in the stillness.