ToT: A Day in the Life

I wish I could tell you what a typical day in our home is like. I wish we had a typical day. In my work, my days are shaped around everyone else's day . . . court, meetings, school, work, you name it. So my best efforts at predictability are thwarted regularly. I wish I could say I was used to it.

I try to have a weekly rhythm--home, work 2 half days, home, work a full day, weekend. But many weeks--including this one--that fails. Two morning meetings tripped me up. Next week I'll have a 6 PM home visit. And there's always the chance that a random phone call could change everything. It's the nature of the job.

There is definitely some mommy guilt surrounding this. I wonder how Peanut might enjoy a little more predictability . . . I wonder how he might sleep if he had a little more predictability. But more than guilt, this random schedule just kinda bums me out. I spend a LOT of energy managing my schedule--and therefore, the family schedule. It's inefficient and it takes away from way more interesting stuff, like The Summer of Outside. I have been rethinking this crazy schedule since before J was born, which is why I work half time. Still looking for the perfect solution, though.

That said, we do what we can to find islands of calm in a crazy week and have routines and rituals for James. A typical work day for me is always a variation on this theme . . .

Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head . . .
Waking up is probably the best part of my day. (BIG change from my former life!) James wakes up so happy and giggly, it's the best. He climbs in bed with me for his breakfast, and he's still snuggly from sleep. When he's close to done, the giggles start. And the climbing. And then he is saying "up!" (Truly. He's been saying it for a month. We are in big trouble.) and "arf," his name for Arthur the cat. We get up, we wave bye to Daddy, and we do the morning thing--he plays, I get my act together for the day and maybe sneak in some housework. My dad comes, I get J down for a nap, and I head out. I spend the day juggling meetings, face-to-face contacts, travel time, pumping, mountains of paperwork, and crossing my fingers that drama stays minimal. I get to see some pretty great kids doing some pretty hard work and some pretty amazing parents pouring their lives into these special kiddos. I also get TIRED. Coming home is a highlight, and we get to have family dinner--even if it's simple. After some cuddles and playtime, we get J started on his bedtime routine (and hope he agrees that sleep is a great idea). Bathtime and stories and rocking and lullabies are pretty great, too. And then, he's asleep, and we cram as many chores as we can into the end of the day before noticing it's later than we thought, let's get ready for bed, aww, we don't want to go to sleep yet we've barely hung out, let's spend a little time together, oh CRAP the baby woke up (doesn't happen all the time but surprisingly more than I expected at this age--those stinkin' teeth!), and I read myself to sleep while daddy tries to get him back to sleep. Phew.

I refuse to be the gerbil in the wheel, so priorities have shifted around here. Things get done, but not the way they did before. And that is OK!

Things I am balancing pretty dang well, or at least better than I used to, thank you very much:
Taking care of my baby and all of his crazy appointments, etc
Family time, at home and beyond
Friends time (some weeks are better than others)
Meals
Somehow getting my work done with better family boundaries and being ok with less than perfection (most of the time)

Things that I WISH I was doing better managing:
RUSSIA. This is the biggest challenge for me these days.
Taking care of myself. Some weeks are better than others. And blogging counts.
Time with my handsome husband
My kitties. Poor little guys got a serious demotion.
Finding ways to make things simpler, better, and more efficient
Finding a way to take all of the above in stride and know that I am doing the best I can.


Things that will just have to wait:
Housework. We do the best we can.
Any extra responsibility or commitment.
GUILT. Who needs it (but it can be pretty strong sometimes).

Now, I have a pretty fantabulous husband who really does the bulk of housework around here. We have a solid 100%-100% egalitarian thing going, and I appreciate it SO much. He knocks out the regular maintenance cleaning for us--usually on Fridays, which is 'cleaning day.' Then on Saturdays we do some kind of project and have some fun, and we usually see my parents. Sunday is family day and we just hang out, the 3 of us. No work, it's the Sabbath. This is my favorite, and it has made me a LOT saner.

One little tip that has helped me a ton: the Pomodoro. Yep, a tomato. There is a whole time management system to learn here, but for me, it means I set the timer for 25 minutes, I do my task, and then I'm done. While sometimes (like now) I choose to ignore the timer, it really works well for me. I can easily get bogged down in unnecessary details and work way to long on something. This keeps me focused and speedy.

I still have a perpetual to-do list, and it drives me bonkers if I pay too much attention to it. But chores and projects are not family! These things are only valuable insofar as they serve our family relationships--I tell myself this regularly as I look at that icky list. I would like to be more efficient, streamlined, organized. We are considering some options (for example, to move or not to move) which will impact our family life for sure. Whatever we do, I know my family comes first. We are constantly evaluating and struggling with how to balance living justly and loving mercy with raising our son--how to raise him to be conscious but not anxious, how to teach him the joy of serving others without building any resentment because of misplaced priorities, how to love him well and love our neighbor. The balance will always be shifting, I suppose. As long as people are first and stuff is irrelevant, I suppose we will be OK.

My dad got this for my mom when I was born.
Now it hangs in our home.