Wenesday Wisdom

This one was flying around Facebook today, and I have found it to be especially true lately:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

-Plato

Wednesday Wisdom

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."

-Dalai Lama

water waste

When thinking about Lent this year, one of the top running disciplines we considered focusing on was our relationship with water. We went a different route this year, but I really, REALLY think it is time for the Clarks to start paying attention.

Full confession: water shortage is an issue I have done very little to address in my personal life. But plentiful, clean water is something we take for granted in the US. And clean water is a justice issue.

For example, worldwide:

-One in eight people lack access to clean water.

-Women in particular spend hours and hours collecting water--missing school and other opportunities and endangering their health and safety.

-Every 20 seconds, a child dies from a water-related disease. We're talking infection, parasites, diarrhea, basic stuff. And in the course of writing this post, 30 children will have died.

-A 5-minute shower in the US uses more water than the typical person living in a 3rd world slum uses in one day!

This and other info is rampant on http://www.water.org/, a charity that works to address these issues around the world.

While I am aware of this, and familiar with it, and while I try to be mindful of avoiding waste in what I purchase or what I do, I have a long way to go until I can say I am having a positive impact on this issue. Maybe we don't water the lawn around here, but I take a notoriously long time in the shower . . . perhaps from my childhood growing up with little privacy, in a somewhat cold house with just a bathtub. (It was a warm, cozy place for an introvert disguised as an extravert. ) Just one example.

Will taking a shorter shower impact the global water situation? I can't say. But it will make a difference around here, and our current water use in this country is not sustainable. Our water is not as clean or plentiful as many of us, myself included, think it is. Think about the gazillion products most of us contribute to the water supply on a daily basis . . . check out any of my posts labeled chemicals to read more, or do some searching for yourself. I have a lot of searching and learning left to do on this matter. I am planning to read Unquenchable by Robert Glennon to learn a bit more.

What about you? What can you teach the rest of us? What are some simple, daily ways we can change our water habits to impact the world towards justice?

Wednesday Wisdom

"We fear that we are inadequate, but our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be these things? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people around you won't feel insecure. We are all meant to shine as children do. We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically releases others."

-Nelson Mandela

Wednesday Wisdom

Today kind of chewed me up and spit me out. Actually, the whole week has been kind of rough. All in a day's work, really, but sometimes it becomes a bit much. A client was hospitalized, had to file a child abuse report, cussed out by a mental health patient, teenager joined a gang, a young lady is in a dangerous relationship, a client newly homeless, and I absorbed the full brunt of a 6-year-old meltdown. Not to mention lots of missed appointments and fresh budget cuts at work. This doesn't include my colleagues' icky weeks! All of this is manageable, and really there is more hope in each of these situations than this simple list would convey, it can just add up and weigh me down after awhile. My goal is to get through tomorrow without any yelling, swearing, or tears. I've made it so far, I just need my clients to get on board. Then we can get to work making things better!

In the meantime, as my lovely colleage Sarah says, quoting Finding Nemo like the brilliant child therapist she is,

Just keep swimming.

Red/Black

I love being married to smarty-pants, socially-minded historian. That means that on Father's Day, which also happened to be Juneteenth this year, we spent the day at the Red/Black exhibit at the Eiteljorg Museum. We've been meaning to go since it opened. It's one of those fascinating places where our two disciplines meet. In fact, opening day hosted lectures from historians and social workers alike. It was fascinating! But more on that later.

First, Juneteenth? Yes, this is one of those interesting and important days I had never heard of until I was married to this smarty-pants guy. It turns out Juneteenth is the oldest commemorative date for celebrating the end of slavery in the US. Pretty important! I'll leave it to you to learn more, if you're interested. In this house, where studying the effects of slavery on 20th century African Americans and dealing with long-term effects of oppression are regular occurances, Juneteenth gets some notice. Not to mention the millions of people still enslaved today, but more on THAT later too.

Lucinda Davis, 1937, former slave of the Creek tribe, from Library of Congress

So, we FINALLY went to Red/Black, third trimester and all. It was worth it. Eiteljorg is the museum of Native American history, and this exhibit explores the intersection of American Indians with African Americans throughout our country's history. We saw documents of the ugliness of slavery, including a receipt for purchase of a 16 year old girl. We heard oral histories taken in the 1930s of African-American freed people (still called freemen, regardless of the womanhood of the person above, but I digress . . .) who were one enslaved by various tribes. (Ben had read many of these before, but I was riveted.) We read how families intertwined and culture overlapped. Both of us learned some pretty shocking things and some pretty encouraging things.

Examples . . . there were times when Native peoples and African slaves were enslaved side-by-side, and then fought their oppressors side-by-side. There were times when certain tribes owned African descended slaves themselves. There were times, even in recent history, when certain groups were quick to reinstate dividing lines between those groups, seeking 'pure' bloodlines and excluding African descendents from citizenship within the tribe. And there were times when groups worked together culturally, socially, and politically, for unity and positive change.

One display asked the question (paraphrased) "Why do people in power exploit others, and when will it end?" I wish we knew. There are more slaves living today than there were during the height of US slavery and legal slave trade--some estimates at 29.2 million. These slaves work in sweatshops, agriculture, manufacturing, housekeeping, massage parlors, nail salons, strip clubs, brothels, you name it. And despite our best efforts, our culture is designed such that you and I likely benefit from this ugliness on a regular basis.

I walked away with another perspective on how easy it is for people to segregate themselves and label the 'other,' if it benefits them. Let those people worry about themselves, I have enought to attend to. I also saw how beautiful it is when people cast those distinctions aside and come together--that is where true change can happen. One man, descended from both African slaves and a native group, shared that he was doubly strong because he had two blood lines--and this in a time when it was illegal for a White person to marry outside the race. There have been brave people throughout history who have changed the culture--even just the culture in their corner of the world--and made the world safer, brighter, and richer for it.

I want to be like that! What if we all were? Could we eradicate slavery in its current form? I believe we could, I really do.

So yes, we were inspired. And humbled.

And we are planning to commemorate Juneteenth each year, from now on.

Wednesday Wisdom

I grew up loving Anne of Green Gables, both the books and the Wonderworks movies on PBS. Not sure I can pinpoint why . . . was it her imagination? Her pluck? Her smarts? Or maybe it was the red hair. I know I loved her ability to love the people in her world, despite her circumstances. And I loved how those people grew to treasure her and all her uniqueness. My family and I would watch this together, over and over. It's no wonder I grew up to do the work I do.

So, out of Anne's mouth . . .

"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it . . . yet."

-Lucy Maud Montgomery

Long time, no write

Hi, Friends.

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written!

Why. Hmm . . . .

Sure, a lot has happened. Sure, I've been as busy as ever. Same old reasons we all have when we get behind.

Also, we have some new excitement around our home, with a little Clark expected to arrive in August.

We are feeling so blessed, and so humbled. And I am feeling so tired. :) But other than tired, I am feeling great! No complaints, just gratitude.

With this change, I am finding myself wanting less and less time with a computer on my lap. Between my work and keeping up with various other commitments, there is a LOT of computer time around here. You can't blame me if most nights hanging out with my husband and my kitties is a bit more appealing than hanging out with Blogger! :)

Also, I have been quite challenged in just living with this change in mind. Have you ever searched for fair trade maternity clothes? What about car seats, baby bedding, etc? It's rough out there! I have been looking and looking, and I'll be sharing some about this as the weeks go on. I've found my best bet so far is to go with secondhand and handmade as often as possible, and I am so thankful for generous people in my world who are willing to share. I've been trying to keep it simple, too, avoiding most of the clutter the big box stores seem to think we need.

I've also been thinking more and more about raising a child in a way that helps him be conscious about the world around him. Taking the parent role will be quite different from the professional role, but we're looking forward to it. So more to come on that topic, too.

So, all of this to say, I'm back! Don't be shocked if I write a bit less than when I began, but I hope to share a bit more in the coming months. I've missed you all! :)

Wednesday Wisdom

April is the cruelest month . . .

I first read those words by TS Eliot in Mr Comiskey's Great Books class in high school. I didn't realize they might actually be true.

It's been a heavy few weeks, for a number of reasons. April seems to hold a lot of loss. Today alone marks the anniversary of a lot of deeply painful events, for people around the country and for people near to my heart.

But, in order to feel a great loss, one has to have known great love.

So, in honor of that great love, this week's Wednesday Wisdom quote makes its second appearance:

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

-Dr. Seuss

Wednesday Wisdom

Ok, so I've been a little MIA lately. It's not that I don't want to write, it's just I've been pulled in a few different directions lately (who isn't). But in the middle of the crazy, I'm trying to live mindfully, enjoy each moment, and celebrate the joys of life (while minimizing obligations that don't feed my or anyone else's soul). Spring is here, and Easter is coming. There is a lot to celebrate! "There are only two ways to life your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle."

-Albert Einstein

Wednesday Wisdom

I haven't written much about work on here, with good reason. I am a social worker/therapist with a private agency and I work with children and families of all kinds who are dealing with the state child welfare system. I love my job, and sometimes I am amazed and humbled at the capacity for healing and strength in wounded people. Sometimes, it feels too big, too sad, and just plain discouraging. It's been a rough week and I'm holding out for a glimmer of hope. Thankfully, I have some gracious supervisors, one of whom directed me to this story by Loren Eiseley. I first read this a few years back when an adoptive mother sent it my way, thinking of her sweet boys. It was just the reminder I needed this week . . .

art from desktop-3d.com

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean." "

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

And so, we work. Blessings,

Daily Detox: Hair Care

So this isn't a terribly Lenten topic at all, but I've been meaning to write for awhile per a friend's request. I've finally [almost] completely detoxed my hair care routine, and that is tough for a curly girl! If your hair is naturally curly, or even wavy, I think you might find some useful info here.

First to detox: negativity. All you have to do is Google "curly hair unprofessional" to see the bias against curls in the world. Ridiculous, and honestly it smacks of some racism. Why fight with your hair? My personal care handbook for safety and environmental responsibility, No More Dirty Looks, was inspired by an ugly turn of events when the authors were searching for the perfect fix for their frizz. One of them has big, wild curls like I do. And when she began allowing her hair to do what God and nature intended, it was healthier, tidier, and prettier.

Now I've only attempted straightening my mane a few times, and it was really not worth it. But I've spent far too much time trying to figure out how to 'control' my unruly mane. Now that we get along, I have more time to spend on much more important things! My routine is streamlined, my products are fewer and safer, and the result is much improved (if you ask me).

I have been playing with natural haircare for about 5 years now, to varying success. No More Dirty Looks helped me find products that actually work. And after years of investigating curl care techniques, the Curly Girl method is the best I've found. I'll leave it to you to read the hows and whys. In a nutshell, conventional products are too harsh, bad for our hair, bad for our scalps and lungs, and bad for the environment. Here's what I'm doing now:

Shampoo: No more than every 3 days, barring secondhand smoke exposure (ick). When I do shampoo, I use a gentle, sulfate-free cleanser, such as Alaffia products. Some conditioners have enough surfectant to do the job, too. I focus on cleansing my scalp, using my fingertips to massage the product in a circular pattern. No lather needed! (Foam strips the hair of essential moisture, anyway.) I rinse well, focusing on the scalp, but I touch my curls as little as possible.

Conditioner: Once a week, I do a conditioning treatment. When I wash my hair, I use a deeper conditioner than normal. When I don't, I use a leave-in conditioner from Beautiful Curls. This stuff is the best I have found! I lighly coat the top of my hair, then I use my fingers and a bit more product to work through any tangles. No combs here! If I think there is a lot of product left, I might rinse lightly. I leave the product on until I get out of the shower, and I leave my curls alone.

Drying: I use a t-shirt to dry my hair right away. I lay it over my hand and scrunch my curls to get excess water out. The end!

Styling: I use an aloe-vera lotion when my hair is wet. 3 parts aloe vera gel to 1 part water, plus a few drops of lavender oil for scent. I lightly run some over the top of my hair, and then I scrunch it in to my curls. I use about 4 clips to prop my roots up (check out Curly Girl for details) and let it air dry. I sleep on my curls with no problem, but it works well in the morning if you have lots of time to air dry. In the morning, I might use an extra product (if it's raining or I have something super important at the end of my day), and I'm loving Kinky-Curly's Spiral Spritz. I use just a little plus some water to scrunch my curls up. If I have some weirdness at the scalp, I run my hands under my curls, close to my scalp, and wiggle them a bit until the curls break up. I'm finishing with a spritz of hairspray, which my favorite stylist calls a curly girl's best friend. It took a LONG time to find a natural hairspray I actually like, but the ladies at No More Dirty Looks were right on when they suggested Simply Organic.

Whew! That sounds like a lot, but I promise it's simple--especially compared with frying my hair every day with a blow dryer or flat iron. No, thanks. And my hair looks still looks fresh at the end of the day, which was not the case before.

These products cost more than drugstore brands, but about the same or less than salon brands (aside from Simply Organic--that's a splurge). They also have better quality ingredients that don't hurt our water supply in consumption or production (at least, not as much as conventional petroleum based products).

Another bonus: Alaffia and Beautiful Curls are made with fair trade shea butter that supports women's cooperatives in various parts of the world. So, in celebrating natural texture and trying to keep my body and the environment healthy, I am also supporting women around the world. Gotta love that!

So there you have it, the life and times of my newly detoxed curls. If you have curls of your own, I hope you find this helpful! If you've been hiding your curls or waves, I hope I've inspired you to give them another try. They are beautiful! Have a lovely week!

Wednesday Wisdom

Here's a quote I heart from the movie I Heart Huckabee's:

"Anything you could ever want or be you already have and are."

Have a wonderful rest of the week!

Daily Detox: Screen Time

With Lent comes lots of opportunities to detox, reset, purge, refine, discipline, learn. People do this in many ways, whether simply giving up chocolate (harder for some than others!), starting new disciplines, focusing on changing attitudes, or trying to change a lifestyle. While personal Lenten (or non-Lenten, for that matter) discipline might best be done in private, I thought I would think through a few that have gotten some attention in recent years.

First up: screen time. Television, internet, video games, smart phones, any electronic gadget with a compelling screen qualifies. One study shows the average US resident watches 28 hours of television a week--4 hours a day--and spends even more time online. And it's no wonder--not only can these activities be fun, but they can produce an addictive effect! Just like with any other compulsive behavior, screen time can stimulate our brain's reward system, boosting dopamine levels and causing us to crave more, more, more.

Which is why I, like many others, have had those days where I started out with good intentions on the internet and ended up wasting more time than I ever thought possible. And who has time for that?? Furthermore, time spent with television or the internet is time spent away from flesh and blood connection, nature, emotional or personal growth, or any host of lovely human experiences. All those fast moving images and bright lights can leave us feeling zapped. It affects our abilities to sleep, to interpret subtle human cues, to relate well to people we love. It affects our stress levels, adding cognitive clutter to already very busy brains. I've even read that lots of technology correlates to lower sexual satisfaction!

I've been teased before about being a stick-in-the-mud who hates technology. We went without cable for years. I was slow to get Facebook. I don't remember the last time I played a video game (Super Mario Brothers on Super Nintendo?). I refuse to get a smart phone. (Too many OCD tendencies--no one needs me to have THAT much access to my work email!) But I, too, am capable of falling down the slippery slope of too much screen time.

So here's one idea: cut back, on purpose! I have tried limiting myself to checking email accounts (including Facebook) NO MORE than twice a day. For some people, that might seem like a lot. For others, maybe for procrastinators who spend a LOT of time on the computer for work/research purposes, this is a very good idea. Around here, we try to avoid channel surfing. We try to watch TV on purpose, just sometimes. Old habits die hard, though. It is shocking (and somewhat disappointing) how difficult this can be, but I can tell my anxiety level is dropping and my peace of mind is increasing. I have more time and energy for things that are really important, including other people. Better sleep, better relationships, better me. It's so worth it!