ToT: The Fur Babies

Before we had a child, I was CERTAIN I wouldn't be one of those people who neglects their animals after the baby is born. POSITIVE.

Hmph. Easier said than done, but to some degree, we've pulled it off. We figure these poor guys have to get through a couple of years of being pretty low on the totem pole, but in exchange they'll have cuddles from Peanut for years to come.

Meet Arthur.

 

He is a furball and a half. He is an extremely smart cat, and extremely well-behaved. Shockingly, really. We got him in 2005. Ben thought he wanted to get a kitten, to start from scratch . . . until he saw a kitten. Cute, of course, but wild! Ben had never had a cat before, and I think he was ready to give it up, until we saw this guy. He immediately snuggled up to us through the cage, and we knew he was ours. The name on the cage was Ishi, and his previous vet bills called him Tigger. It's as if these people never even met him before! He was clearly an intellectual, with refined tastes, who preferred an old library to running around. Since he's so literary, his name is Arthur Pendragon Weasley Clark. (Yep, mixed a classic and a pop indulgence there.) He has red hair, for pity's sake. The triangle on his head (and other behaviors) indicate he is part Turkish Van, but his looooong hair and cuddliness make me wonder if he is part ragdoll. We think he was 2-3 years old when we got him, but he has always been an old soul. He's a snuggler (the most affectionate cat I've ever known--ask anyone who's had him sit on their head) and he was a perfect fit for us.

Then came Rigby.

Ugh, how humiliating. Poor Rigs.

I was fine with just the one cat, though I sort of felt that we could give another animal a good home, so we should. Rigby was wandering around someone's yard, and a friend picked him up. He was a kitten--maybe an adolescent--at the time. They loved him and said if there was ever a cat for them, this was the one--but their pugs kept eating the litter. Gross. Ben was sure it was a great idea, so here he came. And Ben was right. He and Arthur became fast friends (after some hierarchical negotiations). We always thought we would name our next cat Franklin, but it was specified his name must remain Rigby. My historian Beatles-loving husband and I came up with the ridiculous name Franklin Delanor Rigby Clark. Yes, folks, we are that cheesy. He is our street thug kitty, and he acts kind of like a dog sometimes--though he has become more cat-like in his old age. Somewhat. He's the only cat I know who falls down on a regular basis. When he's not sneaking water out of my glass, he's chasing imaginary insects or running laps around the house. He's a sweet guy with some anxiety disorder to go with his attachment disturbance. Possibly psychosis as well.

Yes, I diagnose my cats. Arthur was originally abandoned when his previous home had a baby, so I was very careful to navigate that trauma trigger for him--until the baby was born and reality set in. Rigby definitely is on an attachment disorder spectrum (not conventional clinical speak here but I think it's a spectrum!), based on his early neglect and abandonment. (I sound like I'm kidding, and I am a little bit, but I think there's some truth to all of this!) One year, we got held up in New York on our way home from Russia and were gone over 2 weeks (as opposed to 10 days), and even my mom believes he's been a different cat ever since. We're still rebuilding the trust from that one, I think.

These poor guys get a lot less attention from us than they used to, and they put up with a lot more noise and someone who is extremely fascinated with their fur and tails. But at the end of the day, we still love our boys. These guys have become pretty high maintenance, as far as cats are concerned. For pity's sake, Arthur had a tooth pulled the first year we had him--he has the cutest little hole in his mouth. And Rigby used up one of his lives when James was 3 weeks old . . . after a weekend of unpleasantness, we found out he had a bladder blockage and would die unless we took him to the kitty hospital, and even that was a longshot. We have feared this and taken him to the kitty ER a couple of times over the years only to be out a nice stack of cash and get sent home with some silly medicine he hates to take. But this time, it was legit. He was in kidney failure, but God love Noah Animal Hospital, after 3 days of IVs (and what some would consider a ridiculous bill), he was back. He is currently sponging my belly, blocking my view, and attempting to sit on my arms. Thanks to absurdly priced prescription food, we have had no issues since . . . a miracle of modern veterinary medicine, I'm sure. And poor Arthur seems to be getting old. He is stuck on Rigby's bladder and kidney food, since these guys can't keep to their own bowls, and it has made him heavy. He's popped up with his own unpleasant digestive issues over the past year or so, to the point we've had to cancel plans and deal with it. He has been sick today, digestive stuff, lethargic, and not eating. He's perked up some this evening, but I think he is going to the vet tomorrow. And I will hope my little snuggler has more kitty life left in him.

Yes, the kitties can be pains in the tuchus sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. If they weren't with us, who knows where they would be, and I daresay even with the changes since J was born, they like it here. And we like them. There are studies galore saying that pet owners are happier, have less stress, all kinds of stuff. Like most good things in life, it's a bit more work, but the payoff is worth it.

I wrote a bit about shelter animals before, and I will say it again: if you're considering a pet, and I hope you do, PLEASE do your research. Most breeders and pet shops perpetuate misery, it's just a fact. There are so many animals who need homes! ARPO is great at matching particular animals with your needs, to make it a good fit. Most breeds have rescue groups, and most shelters want to help you find the right animal for your family. We were planning to get a therapy dog a couple of years back, but we had a baby instead. We'll probably go through ARPO to get J a buddy after we move, and I'll choose one ready for therapy training. A well-behaved dog who can help someone . . . that's my style.

Lots of our ToT bloggers are pet lovers--check out the links to the right for more animal love!

ToT: Happy Valentime's!

For me, having a kid has brought new spark to holidays. ANY of them. "Aww, it's his first President's Day!" (Being married to an historian has its quirks.) This week is wild. . . Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, and Valentine's Day, all in a row. Bizarre.

Usually, Ben and I celebrate anything for at least a week. We have birthday weeks, anniversary weeks, Valentine's week, you get it. We're not terribly extravagant, but we like the little things. Usually, we would celebrate Valentine's with a fancy-ish date (often not terribly expensive), a cozy date, a cuddle-up-on-the couch date, a little gift exchange and some yummy homemade chocolate confection. We've even been known to escape to a little inn, just for fun.

Last year, we had an infant. Neither of us can remember what we did. We can remember at least 8 of our previous 10 Valentine's Days, but we cannot remember last year. Wow.

I know Valentine's is a "Hallmark Holiday," but I don't care. I don't have to give Hallmark any money to celebrate the love in my life! (Sidebar: have you noticed you can pay as much as you want to for a Valentine's card? I saw a whole row of $8 cards . . . at Walgreen's, for pity's sake!) I used to be more reserved about holidays, but not anymore. I've been known to send Valentines to grandparents, order flowers for friends, bake treats for the office, wear a red sweater or heart or rose earrings, that sort of thing.  I like loving people, and I'm pretty grateful for the people I love, so I'll take the excuse to celebrate it.

This year, that infant is a toddler, and he is a LOT of fun. So this year we are celebrating loving him, and we have some making up to do for last year, apparently.

First, I bought some cheesy decorations. Peanuts, of course . . . the kid loves "Boopy" (who is quickly becoming "Soopy"). I got a Pooh Beah too. I splurged and spent about $4.80 total on these. Then, I got really fancy and made a wreath. (Something has happened to me as a mother . . . I used to be just about the least crafty person I know.) I love this wreath . . . simple and fun and wintery enough to use beyond February. Who knew. Then, we planned Valentine's week

I think this qualifies as my first craft as an adult, aside from cakes or party stuff.
Had to add the gray, a little nod to the Buckeyes, of course.
(Thank you, Pinterest.)

My husband took me out on a real date, fancy wine and everything. LOVED it. It was a great night, much needed. And the kid woke up soon after we got home and stayed up for 2 hours . . . through his bleary eyes he said "mama be back," which tells me he was trying to wake up so he could see us  and know we were home. Clearly we need to get a nighttime sitter more often . . .Anyway, that was a great night regardless. We have family nights just about every night this week. Tuesday I go to my work Valentine's party. (This is a party for our clients, young adults with intellectual disabilities. It's going to be a blast and I can't wait.) Then it's home for pancakes Tuesday night for Mardi Gras, imposition of ashes on Wednesday, and Valentine's Day on Thursday.  I have a little something to give the men in my life. (I kinda rocked the husband's Valentine's gift this year, I won't lie. But it's also our 10 year anniversary this year.) We'll have a cozy family dinner and eat some little treats, and we'll share lots of cuddles and kisses and appreciation for how much we love each other. There might be a dance party, there usually is. And yes, Ben and & I will cuddle up in front of the TV . . . it's our Thursday TV date, standing for years now. (And it's his first Thursday since 30 Rock ended, so he will need some extra support . . . ) Friday is family movie night (in snippets), so J will get to watch more Peanuts Valentine's shows, and then Saturday his daycare has a parents' night out, so we'll grab a quick and cozy date after some time with friends.

Phew. Really, we are not fancy . . . though we are being a little fancier this year, to make up for whatever happened last year. We're just trying to celebrate all day, every day. As he gets older, I hope James can view Valentine's Day as an excuse to make sure people know they are loved . . . but I also hope he does that every day, throughout the year. To me, Valentine's Day is just a chance to make things a little bit special.

(Just Living tidbit . . . please consider fair trade chocolate for your Valentines this year, like Endangered Species (an Indiana company!) or Divine and or some other ethical brand, and let bakeries and specialty shops know they can do the same. We can love chocolate farmers, too.)

What about you? Our ToT Bloggers have some other great traditions . . . check them out!

ToT: Bucket List

Every once in awhile, it hits me that for all my perfectionism and detail obsession, I am not a long-term planner. I was not the little girl who dreamed of my wedding or being a mother; whenever I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I didn't have an answer. I can be almost neurotic about doing my best in the moment and setting myself up for success, but I'm not always sure what the goal is, for good or for ill.

So, I don't have much of a bucket list. Many of my hopes and dreams are intangible . . . world peace and justice and happiness and all of that. Some of my hopes are well beyond my control and are more about faith. Some are extremely mundane. The vast majority of my hopes are about the people I love . . . watching my boy grow up healthy, strong, and happy, seeing my parents thrive well into the years, living in love with my husband for the rest of our long lives, celebrating joys with dear friends . . . with family, love, and laughter all over the place.

That said . . . there are a few things I've always wanted to do, some of which I just discovered. (Thank you, Together on Tuesday! Check out the links to the right for more ideas.) Here is my completely tangible, and personal (not idealogical), Bucket List.

ToT: Secondhand Shopping

Secondhand shopping is such an excellent, ethical choice . . . I love it.

-It reduces environmental impact: fewer materials and less waste (both the product itself and the manufacturing), fewer shipping emissions, saves landfill space, etc.
-It supports local economy.
-It reduces the demand of new production of items and sends a message to manufacturers that more is not always more. Down with consumerism!
-It reduces the demand for items that may have been sourced or manufactured in slave conditions.
-It often supports job creation for small businesses or individuals who may not have many other opportunities. (Goodwill, for example, hires a number of employees with intellectual disabilities.)
-You can find all kinds of crazy stuff you wouldn't find elsewhere.
-You can usually get a good bargain.

ToT: Reading List

Ok, so it's Together on Tuesday, on Wednesday. 

When I was a kid, I read ALL. THE. TIME. I was a big reading nerd. I learned how to read when I was 3 or something--my mom says I was mad that everyone else could read and I couldn't. Plus, I wanted to read constantly, and sometimes mamas have to do something else. I would check mountains of books out of the library. We went to bed early every Monday night (my parents' stay-home date night)--as long as we were in our room, we were OK. So, every Monday, there I was with a stack of books and I would read until my eyes wouldn't stay open.

Looking back, I realized I read a lot of books about spunky young ladies who were in less-than-deal family situations, often orphaned in some way, who found a way to thrive with some help from someone who loved them. Think Anne of Green Gables, A Little Princess, Pippi Longstocking, Polyanna, that sort of thing. I guess it starts early.Thanks, Mom.

ToT: Last Year, This Year

Hello, 2013.

Last year was challenging, inspiring, surprising, healing, tiring, fun, so many things.
It was also pretty tough.

ToT Returns!

Together on Tuesday is back!

I still have some catch-up posts to do (and they are floating around in my head!), but I'm forging onward! Let Together on Tuesday 2013 commence!

Many of the ToT ladies are posting a photo a day. I know myself better than to promise anything like that--that isn't happening. I WISH I loved (or was good at) taking photos. I love having the photos, but I find the whole process daunting . . . remembering to take them, getting a good shot, uploading, editing, storing, ordering, sharing, displaying . . . not my forte. That's why there's Purple Peaches Photography! But I digress.

I am taking more photos, really I am. I am planning to post more of them--grandmas like that :). And I am planning to post a photo year in review . . .that is still coming! But there will be no daily photos from me.

There WILL be plenty of Together on Tuesday posts, on topics shared with the ladies to the right--Charlotte at The Dog Days of Life, Danielle at My Peaches and Cream, Michelle at After 9 and Some Weekends, and Nancy at Purple Peaches. (There are some other ladies as well, but I haven't heard if they are still on the train . . . ) It really is pretty great to blog along with encouraging women--and it's good motivation to keep writing, which is good for the soul (at least for my soul). If you're interested in joining in, we'd love to have you! Just comment below and we'll get you connected.

I have a few Just Living posts in mind, too . . . you know, about the little ways anyone can change the world. I tend to write ToT with the Just Living bent, but I have a few more things to share here and there. My social worker mind never shuts down . . . I love thinking about this, but sitting down to write becomes the challenge. I'd love to hear from anyone on this, too--guest posts are welcome, comments, thoughts, ideas, questions, you name it.

So that's that. Thank you for reading--I hope you'll stay on and join in when the spirit moves!

Guest Blogger: Freedom

Here's the promised guest post about Freedom a la Cart, the innovative way to support women who have survived the horrors of human trafficking and are building a new life.  They are working towards growing their food cart into a restaurant and they could use our help. And yes, the blogger is my sister-in-law. 

Happy Boxing Day!

Freedom is hummus. Perhaps not to you. But to me, hummus is what Freedom tastes like. The relationships I have built with survivors of Human Trafficking have propelled me to redefine Freedom, as it exists from their perspectives. Watching a survivor taste hummus for the first time brought so much joy to me. In a room of 25 survivors, no one had ever tasted it; many were hesitant to even dip a chip in it, let alone a carrot stick or pita bread. But the wide smile on the face of the first survivor who ‘dove in’, was all they needed to form a new love for this strange chick-pea blend. And that one smile led the rest of the women into a new world of ‘healthful’ eating. It was a bold move early on by one of our volunteers—but she knows that part of her volunteer work is to continue to introduce the survivors to freedom and choices that have been unknown and unavailable to them. 

Merry Christmas

{fair trade nativity available at serrv, a partner of lutheran world relief}

A Christmas Prayer

by Daniel Lee of Lutheran World Relief

God of Light, who illumines night,

Come to those now in darkness.

God of plenty, who multiplies joy,

Come to those now in sorrow.

God of promise,

who creates the harvest,

Come to those now in hunger.

This Christmas and always, 

We trust in your light,

your plenty and your promises.

Teach us again, through Word and deed,

of the Christ child

made flesh among us:

Who breaks the rod of oppression,

That we might work for justice;

Who removes the yoke of burden,

That our neighbor might

walk with dignity;

Who sets the tools of war afire,

That all creation might live in peace.

Amen.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you.

A Holiday Glow

In light of the craziness in the world, I am thinking more about ways we can make the world a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter. The holidays are a time when people often find renewed enthusiasm for giving to others--and the year-end tax motivation to donate doesn't hurt, either.

Full disclosure: these are all projects or organizations I have had some connection to over the years, which means I am sharing with confidence. I believe in this work and I have seen real change as a result of their efforts. Isn't that why we give, to make a change? 

We all have a part in making the world a better place. If you are looking for new ways to do just that, keep reading. One of these might just be a perfect fit.

A Russian Orphanage

If you've read at all, you know Ben and I have been involved with Sovietsk Orphanage in Kirov, Russia over the last 7 years or so. Children's HopeChest oversees the work we do here. The children are amazing, and we love them with our whole hearts. We used to visit regularly, but having a little one has changed that. We instead work to find financial support for needs, such as therapies, schooling, or basics like gardening supplies. For example, we have been working on getting a hearing aid to one of the boys . . . we were thrilled to find a donor for the whole thing, but we have hit a snag. Finding donors for international projects, especially when we aren't traveling as before, has proven a challenge--so ANY contributions are welcome! More than money, these children need someone to notice them, care for them, invest in them. You can participate by sending a one-time financial gift, a monthly sponsorship gift, or even just writing letters. Visit the other blog for more information on how to donate. If you have any questions at all, please contact me.

A Health Clinic in Ethiopia

Doma International 's new health clinic is right in line with current thinking about the smartest and most effective way to support women and children around the world: maternal and infant medicine. By working alongside people in the village of Bora and bringing education and medical care, they are able to give women, children, and families a chance to thrive and grow together. I could go on and on with stories I have heard from Ethiopia, and I hope to go myself someday. For now, we are supporting from home . . .

The medical director Amber (who happens to be a longtime friend of the Clarks) has made such an impact, there is a little girl in Bora named after her. You see and hear Ben's brother in the video, and Ben's parents have also made the trip. Supporting the Hidota Center is a great way to be a part of something bigger and long-term . . . if becoming a careholder is too much for now, a gift of any size will help.

Rebuilding Lives for Survivors of Human Trafficking in Columbus, Ohio

You have seen me post about human trafficking again and again. Here is a frickin' cool way to actually make a difference to the women who have survived it right next door, in Ohio. As they are rebuilding their lives, they need support, skills, and stability--something Doma is working to offer them.

I would not be one bit surprised if, once this restaurant gets off the ground, we see this model replicated in cities all over the country. We can all be a part of getting this enterprise off the ground and helping these women build hope and a future. Stay tuned for a guest blog on this in the days ahead.


I could go on and on and on . . . there are some inspiring local children's agencies, such as The Villages or Damar Services. There are arts communities, such as Indianapolis Symphonic Choir. There are community centers like The Sharing Place or The Love Center . If I listed every place that inspires me and that I believe truly makes a difference, this blog would be endless. There are countless places where you could write a check and donate your time and truly make a difference. These are a few that move me . . . but the most important things is that we all find a few who move us, who are truly doing good work, and that we jump right in.

I love cozying up with my family over the holidays and enjoying the glow of the lights, the fire, a warm meal, our love for each other. But our glow is that much warmer and brighter when we find a way to share it outside of our own four walls, all year round.

What about you? How do you share your holiday glow?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Only at Christmas Time

None of the posts kicking around my head right now seem quite right.

I, like many around the world, am still reeling from the horrific events of last Friday . . . but my flood of thoughts and feelings is nothing compared to the devastation felt by those directly affected by the shooting in Connecticut.

I will likely say more on this matter in the future. For now, my heart is with the families of every person--all of them--affected by this tragedy. 

As I held my little boy while he slept on Saturday, I kept thinking about all of those parents who once held their babies just the same way. I expect most or even all of the people at the school last Friday have had a parent hold them close, whisper in their ear, hope for their future, and give them sweet kisses. Not a one of them ever dreamed this for their sweet little baby.

Holidays are tough when you've lost someone precious. They are forever changed. Even more so for these families, with the anniversary of these unspeakable events coming every year as they prepare for Christmas. Christmas is when we tell the story of a sweet little baby, born to do amazing things, born to endure horror, born to save the world. I am thinking of his mother and father, and all of the mothers and fathers grieving in Connecticut and around the world, and my heart is singing this humble prayer.

Rest in Peace, sweet little angels, and peace to all of the souls who have loved you.

ToT: Tradition!

So, today is one of those days . . . in a good way, maybe. My to-do list was woefully neglected, just a few things knocked off, but my kid and I had fun (stair climbing and dance parties!), I got a few calls made, and I got to spend a few short minutes with a good friend. No one ever regrets leaving a to-do list when they die, I think, unless those items meant something to the people they loved. So oh well that I still have plenty to do, right?

(Also, I am so technologically incompetent it is getting embarrassing. Am I the only one who can barely function on Skype these days? I have people to call!)

I say that because I have a slight tinge of guilt about blogging . . . I have work to do (for work) and things to do around the house, I have projects I'd like to work on (important ones like things for our Russian friends or the baby book, plus some little things like mending and stuff like that), I have a husband I'd like to hang out with, and I haven't done my nails in weeks. It's not pretty, people. But I'm blogging . . . because it's just a few minutes of slowing down and reflecting on the simple pleasure of holiday traditions. If you're among the lovely people on my to-call list, I am thinking of you as I write! (And if you can make Skype work for me, YAY!)

I love holiday traditions . . . most of ours are very simple, but the joy of sharing them with James who has new eyes for everything is enough to make me want to burst. When I was little, we always initiated the Christmas season with a decorating party. My mom made all kinds of little treats (cheese and crackers and cookies and hot chocolate and egg nog and simple, yummy things) and we put on our Christmas records (lots of great Choral arrangements, like the Boar's Head Carol and Masters in this Hall and Britten and Handel and all kinds of things) and we decorated! We weren't Martha Stewart or anything, but just about everything on the tree has a memory attached, and we took the time to notice.  When we were done, we would cuddle up in our jammies and watch our Christmas shows. I have so much happy nostalgia around this, it's ridiculous. I knew that this was THE tradition I would carry on in my family, so we do.

We watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year. This year, our Peanut is pretty excited about "Boopy!" so that makes it extra fun. And my mom's favorite, and I mean FAVORITE, is The Snowman . . . the wordless story about James, a little boy whose snowman comes to life for just one night. It's bittersweet, but mostly sweet. This was the first show our James snuggled in and watched from start to finish, and he has seen it quite a few times already. He loves it, and his grandma loves that he loves it, and I love watching the two of them bundled up in a snowman blanket to watch it.

{From The Snowman by Raymond Briggs}

There are other things we like to do . . . we have our Christmas morning traditions (brunch at home in our PJs and then on to Grandmas) and extended family traditions (New Year's in Ohio with a mini Christmas pageant by all the cousins) and I try to see all of my aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins, too. We used to take the long way home after midnight Christmas Eve service and look at all of the lights, but we may have to adjust again this year with a little one in tow.

I am looking forward to new traditions as they emerge . . . how will James respond to the first snow of the year? Will he love the zoo, or the Eiteljorg, or the Circle, or Jolly Days? Will he dance to this ridiculous Cha-Cha Slide Santa from Aunt Marilynn every year? (So far, the answer is yes. Two for two.) I want to do them ALL. I don't like to force them, but I don't want to miss any of them.

This is the paradox of parenting . . . well, one of them . . . I want to experience every last little thing and document it and remember it, but if I put so much energy in to making things happen then I will miss the little things along the way (like impromptu dance parties and playing outside in DECEMBER, for pity's sake). Ideally, I would have a cute little photo of our decorating party this year, but I don't--aside from the ones in my head. Those are irreplaceable. (And blogging along the way will help, too.) In my dream world, I will find the perfect balance of making memories and living in the moment. For now, hanging our "Joy" ornament that we bought when we found out we were having a baby, or hanging the Snoopy and Lucy that were my brother's and mine as kids, or hanging the gifts we got for our wedding or in places we used to live or from around the world is as good of a holiday scrapbook as any.

What do YOU love to do every year? Check out the other Together on Tuesday bloggers for their traditions!

ToT: Black Friday, Indeed

Today, I am posting my Together on Tuesday topic RIGHT ON TIME! Barely. Small victories.

Time to share our thoughts on Black Friday. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, it won't be hard to guess what I have to say.

"Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous."

Happy Thanksgiving